The Game of Give and Take
by Dirty Twin
Summary: No matter what they’d gone through together or apart, sometimes Luke Danes was like an open book for Lorelai Gilmore, not a word necessary. Part of LL 2007 Reconsiliation Ficathon.


Written for **genki** as a part of 2007 LL Reconsiliation ficathon,

Huge thank you to my beta buckice, without whom this would never be posted lol.

I hope you'll like. and I promis I will update my other fic as soon as possible after this one :)

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It was a warm May evening when Lorelai was making her way through the little town she'd been in love with for so many years, since the first moment she set foot in the place with little one year old Rory attached to her hip.

Her life had changed so much over all those years, even more in the last 3 months. Everything, the picture perfect life she tried to believe in smashed into a million pieces once she realized what she truly wanted or, better yet, what she really didn't want. She couldn't understand how she could blindly believe in something that was so far removed from her dream, from what her heart truly wanted and longed for. Suddenly the 'whole package', as she used to term it, was nothing more than empty words naming something that was now more of a bad joke than anything else.

She needed a partner, someone who would understand her not just agree to things without thinking for himself. Someone who would fight with her if it was necessary, not just start an argument and then storm out a minute after when it was "to much to take". Someone who she could lean on when she was sad, not someone she would have to take care of after the town showed their disapproval.

The truth that hit her one windy night 3 months ago, broke all the walls she'd built so tightly around herself over the last year. It wasn't anything special that brought it on, nothing that anyone had said, just her mind going in the direction she didn't let it for so long. She almost joked that if she had been in the bathtub at that exact moment she would have jumped out of it and run down the street completely naked screaming "Eureka". Once all the emotions got loose, there was nothing that could stop them. All the frustration, all the anger, all the hurt, all the longing saw the daylight, the real Lorelai Gilmore was back. The moment the word 'divorce' left her mouth, there was nothing and no one who could make her change her mind. She put everything in motion. Not even her mother who didn't even try to understood, putting it on the "How Lorelai Gilmore screwed up again" list, could stop her. Not her daughter and Sookie's 'I told you so's. Not even Christopher's whining and stalking.

In the end, the petition for divorce was stopped before it even started. Apparently you can't just go off to France and get married hoping it will just as legal there as in States. They weren't even truly married to start with. And, as Lorelai found out soon after that, Chris had realized about this not long after they had returned from Paris. He hadn't wanted to tell her for fear that she would change her mind. That's why he had been so eager for them to exchange their vows during the party Emily threw for them. That's why he had wanted them to have another kid. All of this to keep her somehow 'attached' to him, for good this time. The moment she'd heard it all, and connected all the dots she'd known that for the first time in a year she had made the right decision in following her heart and gut, not only the dreamy images of her mind. Stars Hollow had never seen a bigger show than Lorelai throwing Christopher out of her house and her life with all his things and precious X-box, once and for all.

But life after that hadn't gotten any easier for her. The confrontation with her mother was one thing, she was expecting it and was more than ready for that. But the reality of the last whole year just hit her. She couldn't stay any longer in her house. The house that was hers and Rory's. Correction, the house that used to be hers and Rory's. It wasn't that it reminded her more of Christopher and their relationship. The fact that they'd lived there, spent Christmas and other family moments there, the life that she wanted more than anything, just not with him. Yes it changed when Luke renovated it for them. But he did it for them and she lived there with Christopher instead. It was the bed Luke helped her chose, spending over 2 hours at the store, trying to finally convince her to make her final decision, when all she was doing was laying on every one, testing to see if it wouldn't make too many noises, while practically jumping on them, and occasionally moaning a soft "Oh Luke" just to receive an embarrassed "Oh Jeez" from him; but she'd shared it with Christopher instead. It was the reminder of the life she agreed to instead of the one she lost.

At first she just unconsciously started to work late into night, having to come home just to sleep, no movie nights, no inviting Sookie, Jackson and their kids over. After the 4th night spent sleeping on the couch she started to realize what she'd been doing. She couldn't deny her own actions or, for that matter, the pain in her back.

Next came over-night shifts at the Inn. It wasn't hard to arrange since the night manager John had to take some free time. His wife was having their first baby, which made Lorelai extremely happy for them, knowing how long they had been trying for a kid, yet also bringing back the memory of a time when she wanted to have another baby so badly. Another baby, but this time with the right man, believing that even throwing up all morning and having swollen ankles in the evening was the exactly what she ached for. But after two weeks, when even Sookie - who was trying to make the whole thing as easy as possible for her friend, without asking any questions while dismissing all the gossips that were running through the town - pointed out loud that she'd been practically living in the Inn, falling asleep on the front desk few times, Lorelai made the decision to take a room at the inn in the only free room they had - #7. But she still refused to reply or dismiss any whispers and talks that she knew was going on behind her back.

She could hear people talk, a lot. More than they did after both of her break ups with Luke, it was nothing comparing to The Ribbons Episode Of Stars Hollow of course, but still she felt as if her love life was #1 subject in town. _Don't know what to talk about a boring Sunday dinner with your family? Talk about Lorelai Gilmore screwing her life_, she crabbed in her mind, rolling her eyes at them. But the thing was that they weren't talking about her and Christopher. It still was mostly about her and Luke. They knew she wrote the letter for him that helped with the custody case. She still remembered how happy he was when he called her, thanking her and saying he won this battle because of her help. People wondered how much of an influence it all had on the Lorelai/Christopher fiasco of 2007.

The truth was Luke and Lorelai were just… Luke and Lorelai. The thing that had developed between them during those 3 months might be called friendship by someone watching them through the windows of the diner when she allowed herself to come once a day, mostly in the evening. It was something she'd begun to do after Luke's encouraging invitation when they'd accidentally crossed their paths at the market no more than 3 weeks after Lorelai officially found out she was a single woman.

Since that moment everything seemed to return to normal. Well if you could call it normal, since it didn't remind them of any stage of their previous relationship. He was just as he had told her he would be during that fateful conversation in the supermarket: the guy with the coffee.

Somehow they never crossed _the line_ during their conversations. They never talked about them, what they had before, what they both lost and, truth to be told, longed for. They never actually talked about themselves either. It was always about Inn, the town, Rory, or even April, who somehow became an easy and wanted subject for both of them.

But all of this hadn't changed the fact that they still had shared a few moments where their eyes would accidentally meet for longer than they intended and make Lorelai think that his eyes were hiding that secret longing, those feelings they were once so full of, whenever he'd glanced her way. Neither one would move during those moments, both just letting it slide, end by itself, never encouraging it or trying to 'steal' one more second of it. Yes, they were just Luke and Lorelai.

As she was making her way through the aisles of Doose's, absently putting the items into her basket, her mind was occupied with all the thoughts that invaded her just few nights before when Luke first shared his news with her. She knew he tried to play it as cool as possible, but she also knew him better than that, sensing that tiny heaviness of his tone, seeing the fading of the light in his eyes. He didn't tell her any of his plans though, he hadn't had to. No matter what they'd gone through together or apart, sometimes Luke Danes was like an open book for Lorelai Gilmore, not a word necessary. She knew there was a difference for him from before when he could see his kid once in a while, knowing she was living not so far away, to now when he could see her only once in a while, separated by 11 states, still wanting to make up for the lost 12 years.

She didn't know how after that talk with him, those thoughts found their place in her head, but once there, she couldn't get rid of them. It wasn't long after that when she made her choice. And for once in a very long time she didn't have to ponder it for too long to convince herself it was actually the right thing to do. She just knew it was.

When she looked up from her basket to grab a package of Pop-Tarts, her eyes were met with the familiar sight of Luke, who had just walked into the market and was making his way to the opposite end to grab some milk.

"Did you hear the news?" A sudden whisper caused Lorelai to jump a little and almost dropping the Pop-tarts she still had in her hand. Breathing faster she moved closer to the shelf realized that it was the only thing separating her from Miss Patty and Babette, who were without a doubt gossiping in the next aisle.

"About Luke?" Babette asked knowingly, making Lorelai's heart skip a little more than when she had seen him enter the store. "I can't believe that even with getting the partial custody, he still kind of lost this case, since that girl of his lives so far away." At that Lorelai closed her eyes, still somehow amazed how all news traveled so fast in this town.

"He's such an amazing father, he sacrificed everything he had for her," Miss Patty replied knowingly, causing both of them to sigh heavily, making an eye contact. Lorelai could feel a cold shiver running through her body, knowing the full meaning of their words.

"I heard he wants to leave the town to go after her." Hearing that Lorelai closed her eyes. It wasn't any news to her. She'd known he wanted to do that, that he needed to do that. He never said it specifically, or even implied it, but his eyes and his every move told her so. She'd been ready for it, she was ready for him to tell her during one cold evening when she would come in for her last cup of coffee of the day. At that point she knew would be ready to share her own thoughts with him. But hearing them say it. Hearing them being so sure about it, that made it more final than anything Luke would say. She didn't know why it was this way, but the feeling was stronger than any of the rational thoughts she had prepared for this moment. Somehow her breath caught in her throat, the light of the lamps above her felt somehow too light, the sounds seemed too loud, the space around her too small.

"He has nothing that could keep him here anymore," Babette replied, the sadness obviously present in her voice. "At least it doesn't matter anymore." It was the last Lorelai could stand to hear as she glanced up at the spot Luke where was standing just few moments ago, but he was no longer there. Suddenly she couldn't hear anything else, she couldn't see anything else, her eyes were skimming the room as if programmed to only register some flannel and baseball cap, a black one that is, just to see him disappear behind the closing doors.

"Luke," she whispered softly, but loud enough for anyone to hear it. She knew what she wanted, she knew what to do, she had made up her mind last night but was just waiting for the right moment. But seeing him walk away now, reminding her that soon he was going to leave the town and her as well – basically leaving it behind and not looking back.

Her basket landed on the floor with a loud thud causing everyone around to jump at the sudden noise and look at her. But she didn't care, she didn't even register their reactions, her legs were already making their way out the door after him.

"Luke," she called again but too weak for him to hear her. He was already making his way back to the diner, several feet away from her. He was almost on the other side of the street, walking with his fast confident walk, making his a bit awry legs move his body in a way Lorelai always found incredibly sexy yet a bit funny.

"Luke!" Lorelai tried again, now louder, practically starting to run after him. She had to suddenly slow down to avoid making direct contact with the front of the car that was turning onto the main street, causing her to turn around almost 360.

"Luke!!!" she screamed desperately, as if it was the last chance for him to hear her, the last chance for her to let him hear her.

"Lorelai?" he asked surprised, turning around, just in time to see her move away from the car. "Hey?" he added when he saw her practically running in his direction, immediately wondering if anything bad had happened. He felt like only something bad could cause her to run to him this way ever again.

"Hey," she breathed out, trying to compose herself, slowing down a little bit as she walked in his direction. She wondered if her heart was beating so fast because of the running or because of what was about to happen…

tbc...


End file.
